Consent for Boys

The only way to be sure if someone wants to have sex is to ask them directly and for them to respond with a clear ‘yes.’

Saying yes can include non-speaking ways of expressing ‘yes’ like using sign language, nodding their head to mean ‘yes’ or using their hands to gesture you to come closer.

Sometimes, when you know someone well, you may think you know what they want all the time. You cannot read minds and you still must ask for consent.

There are many reasons why people will cancel a date. Sometimes things come up unexpectedly or maybe they don’t feel ready for the date anymore.

It can be frustrating to have plans cancelled for something you were looking forward to, but it’s important to respect the person’s decision.

If you feel upset, talk to someone you trust about your feelings.

If you still want to see that person, you can ask them if they want to reschedule the date. But if they say no or do not answer, then it is important to respect their decision to not want to go on a date.

It is an act of care to ask for consent in all sexual interactions. It helps the other person know that they have a choice.

Asking for consent is essential – even if asking feels awkward at first. The more you practice asking for consent, the easier and more natural it will feel.

The absence of “no” does not equal consent.  You cannot rely on people telling you to “stop” doing something they do not want you to.  People may feel uncomfortable saying no, they may become quiet and not able to say no, or they may not be able to communicate or indicate their discomfort. [make this last sentence bold] Asking clearly for consent will help ensure everyone is comfortable with the sexual activity.

You can say, “When you don’t ask me for my consent before having sex, I feel pressured into having sex even if I’m not in the mood. I like having sex with you, but sometimes I’m tired or just not feeling it.”

It can also be helpful to discuss gender stereotypes with your partner. You can say, “There’s a stereotype that all men always want to have sex, but that’s not true. Every person is different. When you ask me for my consent, it lets me know that you’re respecting my needs and boundaries.”

In a respectful relationship, your partner will listen to your needs and make the changes necessary for your comfort and consent.

Yes! Trying something for the first time and deciding afterwards that you don’t like it anymore is very common. How else would you know that you like it or not?

Because consent is ongoing and you can always change your mind, you never have to agree to something in the future just because you agreed to it in the past.

It is often easier to talk about sex when you are not having sex. Before having sex again, consider having a conversation with your partner to let them know you do not want to try that activity again.

Considering someone else’s comfort is an essential place to start when you want to communicate your romantic interest in them.

You can say, “I think you’re really cool and would like to hang out with you more. Can I take you out on date?”

Be ready for that person to say “yes” or “no.” If they says “no,” it is important to respect their decision, even if it is not the answer you were hoping for. Do not pressure them to go on a date with you.

Asking respectfully without putting pressure and respecting that person’s decision are ways to make the person feel safe and comfortable. 

When you consent to have sex with one person you aren’t giving consent to have sex with other people. Similarly, if your partner sends you an intimate image, that is meant for you only. Your partner did not consent to you sharing that photo with someone else. Sharing intimate photos of someone else is both illegal and a violation of consent and trust.

In Canada, it is illegal to share an intimate photo of someone without their consent. It is also illegal to share an intimate image of someone under 18-even if you are also under 18.

A person always has the right to decide who can see their own intimate images.

For more information on what to do if someone has shared an intimate photo of you without your consent, see this tip sheet. 

If you and your partner are both under the influence of alcohol or drugs, you must still ask each other for consent.

For consent to happen, the person must be conscious and aware of what they are agreeing to. The person must completely understand the consequences of the decision they are making and that is much harder to do if they are drunk.

Drinking alcohol or doing drugs impacts a person’s judgement. Even if you and your partner have both been drinking/using drugs, wait until you are both sober before checking for consent.

If someone tries to initiate a sexual activity with you but they’ve been drinking or using drugs, you can say “I’d like for us to sober up before we have sex. Let’s hit pause.”

Any sexual activity with someone who cannot give consent is sexual assault.

Unfortunately, that’s common misinformation.

It is a common myth that people make false accusations of sexual assault. It is much more likely that sexual assault is not reported. One of the reasons for this is because victims/survivors of sexual assault worry they will not be believed.

If you want to have sex with someone, always ask for consent before doing anything. If they agree to have sex with you, continue to check in regularly to ensure that everyone is comfortable. If they change their mind, stop immediately and check in to make sure they are okay.

Do not sent unsolicited nudes to anyone. Even if you might be happy if someone sent you a nude, it does not mean others want to be sent nudes they did not ask for. 

Receiving a nude you were not expecting can be upsetting or embarrassing. It could also get someone in trouble.

Expecting that someone else will be able to delete or ignore an unsolicited nude is not respecting their right to consent.

If you send a nude to someone without the person asking to be sent a nude, you are skipping the important step of getting the person's consent.